*This article contains some strong language*
Deep into another Utah Winter I find myself gripping my steering wheel a bit tighter in some areas. No, not because of the snow or the ice… but, from our terrible drivers. There’s certainly been a few times where I felt like my heart stopped, and got jump started again by the adrenaline rush of narrowly avoiding ramming into someone’s car. You know, that dipshit who ran the stop sign, or the one that just pulled out in front of you from nowhere, while you’re going 55 mph on the highway.
Now, snow and ice just add to their stupidity, but let’s be honest. It’s not that hard to drive in the snow. All you have to do is drive slow, keep your pacing from other cars, and pump your breaks a little. Anyone can do it, even folks from the South (yeah I’m calling you guys out a little, closing everything down for a 1/2 in. of snow. Come on!) It’s really no different than driving in a really heavy rain storm, and hydroplaning if you drive too fast.
Adding the weather into the mix of the already abysmal driving out here, they appear to insert their heads further up their asses to create the ultimate driving hell in Winter. From what I’ve been hearing in general, only the Florida, or Massachusetts drivers have the closest competition to Utah, in getting the crown for the worst of the worst. Just imagine the atrocities all of their driving ‘skills’ combined in one place. No roads would ever be safe again!
These people can’t even get up a hill in a basic snow storm. Don’t get me wrong, maybe a few have bald tires, or perhaps just the basic front wheel drive. But we’re talking jeeps,SUV’s, trucks…vehicles made for this weather. With that 4 or all wheel drive. I have all wheel drive for fuck’s sake, and I made it up the hill just fine. It was a little slippery of course, but you drive up it slow because the road did have a curve, this is the exception. Generally the rule for hills is to go up it with a fair speed and slow near your destination. None of that ‘in between’ shit, or going too slow. That’s how you get stuck.
Seriously though, we’re talking 8+ vehicles stranded on the side of the road. Fully capable vehicles, that could get up that hill, and there I was in mine. Passing them, chugg, chugg, chugging my way up. I saw a couple of them damn near rear-end each other. They must have forgot to pump those breaks to get some friction and avoid sliding so much. If it weren’t for me having to pick up my siblings and take them to school, I could’ve had a chance to make a video of the chaos. Just my luck eh?
When you get to a light, or stop signs, it’s always fun to watch people pull up to them too fast and you can tell they’re going, “Shit! Shit! Shit, shit, shit!!!” Followed by unintelligible screaming as they panic and barely stop in time. The people, including me, eyeballing them suspiciously as we pass on the main road thinking, “Alright there cowboy? That horse a little too wild for you?” Everybody will have a little bit of a hard time coming to a nice gentle stop, myself included. I’ll pull up to that stop sign sliding a bit. The difference is I cautiously pull up to the damn thing at a nice slow speed, once again pumping those brakes so that I gain back control of my car a lot quicker.
It’s always the experience driving out in Utah in general. People regularly saying, “Fuck you stop sign!”As they proceed to run it, then giving you the dirty look even though it was their mistake. Or those people that just pull into a parking spot half-fast (especially in winter where snow piles take up a lot of parking areas) and get out thinking, “Well, I’m kind of in my spot. Close enough.” Driver’s Ed is way too easy going in this state. That, and the exceptional amount of teenage kids on the roads compared to other states. (It’s Utah, they really like to screw… a little too much it seems.)
Perhaps it really is all of the poorly trained teenage drivers that make Utah’s roads a gamble every time you need to drive somewhere. Mentioned above, the driver’s ed is cake here. I feel like most of the trainers at the high schools simply don’t care. I’ve heard of a few of those sons of bitches falling asleep during some of the road testing. Not to mention plenty of stories of all other kinds of crazy nonsense that happens during these tests, and the kids still (surprise!) pass. I have friends that have passed and I’m still baffled how this happened…to this day.
Now throw all these people on the roads in the Winter, and that really adds to the ‘fun’. If you’re ever looking to visit Utah this time of the year, mainly to all those skiers, try Colorado. They got great skiing there too I hear, and you’re less likely to die on their roads! Now, some of you may not have a choice, and if that’s the case… don’t wreck!
Miss the last 2 articles? Here are the links:
More humorous articles coming soon. If you have any bad driving experiences, or any opinions on the article, comment below. Thanks for reading!
~J. A. Ross