As usual with the holiday season, I’m dealing with the usual rounds of depression. So I figure… why not channel some of it into some poetry and go outside my usual comfort zone. Well, here’s another for you.
Ominous feelings.
Entombed within my mind;
hidden from the world.
~J. A. Ross.
© RossJ781.com 12/21/2016
J. Ross Creative Works 
Holiday depression is a common thing with lot’s of people for different reasons. Mine comes from missing the old day’s, missing my loved ones that have passed on, Not having a sweet heart to share life with, not being young any more. I have learned I’m stronger than the depression and it usually slips back into the background and I focus on some positive something. I count my blessings and I’m grateful to be able to perk someone else up or do something for others, get outside myself and focus on others!
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I have had some sad Christmases in my day. Sometimes it was because we were too poor to give each other any gifts. As kids we put on a brave face for each other and smiled through our breaking hearts. It was still sad to see my parents so apologetic at our spindly little plastic christmas tree. We had no presents but we were fearful because we knew our parents worked tirelessly to keep food on the table as well as keep the rent and bills paid. To this day they are the two most hard-working, honest and loving people I know. That year I learned to smile through the pain and I believe it made me appreciate my family more, because that year our gift was each other and nothing else.
Another year my husband of two years had just been arrested. He hit me and trashed our apartment one day when he got drunk. I sat alone in the dark of an unfurnished studio apartment, with a broken window watching the snow quietly falling outside. I liked sitting in the dark so I didn’t have to see my ruined apartment, a broken lamp and closer door where I hid until the doorknob was torn off in his drunken rage. I felt as broken as that window, so alone, so exhausted by grief that I couldn’t even cry. I realized it was the early hours of Christmas day. I recall feeling emptyness, but I think this was my way of not feeling the pain the overwhelmed me. Those were bad times during the holidays. There were more to come and yet I have never stopped being hopeful that something better awaits. My unwavering love of those around me, and faith in God (though I’m not religious) has carried me and made me immensely grateful for this bitterly sweet, cruel yet beautiful thing we call life. Savor and relish in every victory, every achievement, every hug, every kiss, every laugh. Even if you suffered most if your life, when you look back, it is the simple and imperfect moments which brought you and those you love joy that matter.
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