*Article contains some strong language.*
Driving. It’s easy right? If you lived in Utah, you’d come to find that this isn’t the case. I don’t know how some of the people out here even manage to get dressed in the morning, let alone operate a vehicle. The daily amount of stupid you see on the roads out here is unimaginable.
We’ll start with blinkers. It’s like the blinker doesn’t even exist in Utah. “Blinker? What the heck is that?”people driving out here most likely think. It’s that damn thing on your steering wheel that tells us where (and when) the hell you’re wanting to turn. You know, so I don’t rear end someone when they suddenly decide they want to make a turn out of nowhere. I see it all the time.
They’ll glide on into the other lane, no blinker showing… and no fucks given. You then slam on your breaks to avoid wrecking. They speed up realizing that they might be an idiot, and don’t want the awkwardness of catching that red light up ahead, which may occur.
Now onto what I love to call ‘The Utah Dick Move’. This is where you’ll have a car going 10 miles under the speed limit in front of you. The person in the lane next to you can tell that you might want to get in their lane. “Well I can’t possibly let that happen” they must be saying to themselves.This would mean you’d be in front of them.
Their solution to this is simple: match the speed that you’re going so they drive next to you the entire time. Then the only way for you to get in front of them or to get over, is you’ll either have to ride the ass of the person in front of you, to get them going fast enough to move over. Or, your other option is to slow down, get in the other lane behind the other driver and then try to get them to hurry the hell up.
I mean, if you’re creeping up on someone and they’re going at or above the speed limit, that would make you the douche driver. But when they’re going 35-40 mph in a 50-55 mph zone, you aren’t too much in the wrong. You want to go the speed limit, it’s your right. It’s insane the amount of people that do this ‘dick move,’ just because they don’t like sharing their lane.
Another bizarre thing I’ve noticed out here, unlike other states I’ve driven in, the drivers here all love piling in one lane. It’s like they have a right turn 7 miles up the road so they all stay in that lane, leaving the other lane fairly empty. The only reason we even have a lot of traffic is there appears to be a love of creating traffic. Something’s certainly up in their brains.
People can also be very aggressive (and also very bad at driving) on the roads. The same assholes who were just going 35 mph in a normal 50 zone are the ones going 90 on the freeway. I’ve seen it too many times to count. It’s ironic right? This state is so fucking backwards on everything they do. From laws that are passed to our drivers. It’s like a whole other world out here, but lacking of intelligent lifeforms.
Thanks for reading! If you’re new to my blog, the main purpose of this article (and the majority of the others) is to be more humorous for your enjoyment.
~J. A. Ross